WICKED WEDNESDAY
The cheese had slid off her cracker? My guest today, Nikki Woolfolk, cracks me up. Dating is the topic and you're sure to chuckle a little. Please enjoy!
Dating is tough and being on an unintentional blind date is
a tier of either awful, hysterical or both. I’ve been privy to my friend’s real-life
dating that leads to HEA, but my own dating life was filled with social
interaction failures that made me a star in my own real-life sitcom. When folks
ask the ‘what’s the worse that could happen?’ my friends could wave a hand in
my direction as answer to the question.
They weren’t wrong and I got use to recounting the dating
incidents in a manner that brought the listener to reflex tears from laughing
too hard. What made it a schadenfreude is that I never purposely
pursued dating at the time, so my misadventures in love became fodder for my
writing.
In my first novella I added a fictitious element to a
real-life time in my life. My father was ready to be a grandfather and had no
qualms calling me at random moments to tell me. It did not matter that I wasn’t
dating anyone or even definitive in my choice of becoming a parent. Forget
biological clock, my father’s (grandfather) clock was chiming every moment of
every hour, every day.
It was irritating, but when I would lament to friends they
would laugh. “I’m sorry. I agree it’s not cool, but your dad is really funny.
Usually it’s the mom you hear about wanting to be a grandparent.”
They were right.
In the middle of my self-pity I pondered the angle of blind
dates that lead to an adventure instead of misery. What if I created a main
character whose father was baby crazy and a daughter who was happily single AND
about to come out to her father as not being straight?
Then I wondered what would happen if attempts to cancel the
blind date led to misadventures in love and friendship.
I love stories that have madcap comedy, mistaken identities,
and main characters that discover a secret auction of male stud auctions for
women. You know? The usual.
A snippet of The Invitation (a.k.a The Winter Triangle):
When the laughter simmered down, a young woman in a
teal-colored, silk dress with a skirt gathered into the sides draping like a
dark waterfall around her chair spoke.
“Some of us are here to fulfill a natural, biological
calling that will hopefully result in a nurturing bond that has eluded some of
us for years.” Cassandra nodded in sympathy. “Men are so selfish to choose not
to give a child to a woman that desperately wants one so badly. How dare a man
say no!”
Cassandra stopped nodding.
The teal lady, though refined in dress, had a facial
expression that hinted at something being off. Walter would have said that the
cheese had slid off her cracker, but Cassandra didn’t think it wise to share
the thought her entire table was obviously thinking.
The ladies’ faces sobered, and they all
took a sip of their drinks.
Cassandra wished to distance herself from what felt just
not right. Her stomach began to churn.
She had a terrible feeling something awful was going to
happen. But she had to find the right opportunity to take her package.
“Ladies, here is our next available gentleman for your
bidding. Remember that if you are the winning bid, please bring him back
well-rested and rehydrated.”
All nodded and murmured in agreement.
As the women’s eyes were turned toward the stage, Cassandra snatched the box and placed it into her pocket.
She signaled to Morgan that they should leave when the soft, green velvet
curtain pulled back, and Hunter, shirtless, stepped onto the dais.
Cassandra and Morgan’s eyes goggled.
So did Hunter’s.
The announcer sifted quickly through her notecards. Hunter
held his shirt and his coat draped over his arm. He whispered something to the
announcer, who smiled broadly and eyed him up and down. “Ladies,” she paused
and rubbed her hands together, “His name is Hunter.”
Several women in the crowd tittered.
The announcer sifted through her cards again. “Ladies,
perhaps we should bring out another gentleman
in order to give Mr. Hunter a proper introduction?”
There was a collective sigh of
disappointment. Hunter started to walk off the dais when—
“Abigail! He looks barely old enough to sit at a bar,” one
lady called out.
The announcer, Abigail, narrowed her eyes at the heckler.
“Are his eyes really that blue?” another asked.
“Ladies,” Abigail said. “Imagine nine months from tonight.
You’re holding that bundle of joy in your arms. The baby will have this
gentleman’s azure eyes and raven hair.”
Hunter’s face paled.
Morgan tugged on Cassandra’s arm to ask what was happening,
but Cassandra could not bring her focus away from what was happening in front
of her.
“So, Hunter,” said Abigail as she looked him up and down,
“What is your staying power? Are you able to offer three deliveries or a hat
trick to our ladies this evening?”
Hunter’s mouth opened and closed for a few moments.
“Well…to be truthful, I’m not sure. I-I mean, I’ve never had a chance to be
with someone in that way. I meant the opportunity has never been…offered.”
The room went still. Cassandra still had not closed her
mouth, and her eyes had widened with each
telling word Hunter had spoken of his unclaimed virtue. A beat later, every
woman’s numbered paddle went up, and the bidding fervor began.
Cassandra couldn’t believe her ears.
Morgan looked around in confusion. These women were bidding amounts for one night with Hunter what a large
family of Stubborn would require to buy a farm. And many of these bidders would
be far from an age where having a child would even be possible. Then, Cassandra
looked at the lady in teal. Her paddle was down, and her chance was gone.
Perhaps there would be other fertile men who…
The heated bidding screeched to a halt.
“Going once, going twice…”
Cassandra pulled Morgan by the sleeve
and stood up. “Hunter!” she yelled.
“Sold!” Hunter yelled. He jumped off the dais and ran with
Morgan and Cassandra to the exit.
As they raced through the hall, she asked, “How in the
world did you end up on the auction block
as a stud?"
Hunter shook his head. “Don’t ask.”
My Steampunk RomCom novella THE INVITATION (a.k.a. The
Winter Triangle) is set on Valentine’s Eve. Can you guess which aspects are
fiction and which are my memoir of my dating misadventures? The Invitation:
a Night of Misadventures with Love can be purchased on Amazon, iTunes,
etc.
Find out more about Nikki and her books by clicking HERE
And on her web site by clicking HERE
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