Please welcome my guest, Emma Leigh Reed, today. This post will speak to you in the world we live in. Shattered dreams, so distraught suicide looks good, and finally the break through. Some fairy tales do come true. Thanks, Emma.
Fearless. It’s a word I would never use to describe myself. Going through struggles and obstacles in life, it is inevitable that something changes within. My life has not always been easy, nor happy. I have fought hard to get to a place of contentment where I am today. But to understand the realization of being fearless, one must understand the need for protection. We live in a world where girls at a very young age decide they want the fairy tale; a man to come into their lives and be there forever with them, no matter what...a source of strength to rely on and a partner through the good and bad times. When that dream of a fairy tale shatters, it leaves one fighting to protect themselves at all costs.
I wanted the fairy tale. The chance to love and be loved in return. It’s why we turn to romances, right? It’s why as an author we write the books that help keep these dreams in place for our readers. I’m not sure exactly when I lost sight of my dream. It could have been the night I took pill after pill, hoping to ease the pain and then waking up the next morning feeling the weight of failure. Or maybe it was going into a marriage hoping to find that love, but realizing I had entered hell instead when the abuse started. Amid these struggles, my heart died. It closed itself off to anything remotely personal. I started holding everyone at arm’s length, even friends. No one knew the personal pain I struggled with daily. I built walls around my heart and was bound and determined that no one would ever get close to me again. I swore I would never allow myself to feel the hope of what romance brings, the newness of meeting someone and feeling giddy when a text comes through, or when they make you laugh and smile more than you have done in years.
The problem with closing yourself off is you become hard and cynical. Jaded to the idea of romance and love. The thought of hope makes you shake your head in disbelief. You shut yourself away from the things you once loved -- like the magic of Christmas and the peace you once felt at the joy the season brought. For years, I have closed myself off and it became second nature. I didn’t even think of it. If I met a man, I would self-sabotage the relationship because I didn’t believe that it would last anyway. It becomes a very lonely place. Then one day, I found myself meeting someone new. A man that makes me laugh and smile. A man that believes in fairy tales and the hope they bring. A man that exudes caring. And slowly without even realizing it, I found myself wanting to open up to him, wanting to share in that hope he has. Fear. It can be paralyzing. I found myself struggling with what to say to him, but not wanting to be closed off for the first time in a long time.
When you take that deep breath and slowly exhale, allowing yourself to relax and face the fear, you can become fearless. In that moment of fearlessness, I found myself opening up and telling him about the suicide attempt, about the abusive marriage, why I’m so closed off and how hard I feel the need to protect myself. And as I sat there waiting, holding my breath, for his response -- holding fear at bay because I wanted this. For the first time in a long time, I wanted to be fearless and have hope.
As I look back though I find different times in my life that I was fearless. I have written books that have part of me in them, some of them having only small parts and my latest with the main character addressing the taboo subject of the suicide attempt. I have survived these obstacles and pivotal moments in my life. I have picked up my life and moved to a new state with only what fit in my car, with no job or place to live. These moments I have been fearless. In the moment, I felt I was doing just what I had to do to survive, but courage can hide behind our protective shield and we can call it anything but what it truly is -- fearlessness.
I’m so excited to introduce Isabelle in BREAKING THE RULES as she learns to confront her guilt and regret and become fearless. For sale now, click on.
Isabelle LaFayette tries to end her own life. Her failed attempt haunts her, along with her other past regrets and the inability to forgive herself, for what her mother calls a selfish act.
Jack Riley comes into Isabelle’s life and makes her feel alive, but believing she doesn’t deserve to be happy, she pushes him away. She must find the inner strength to confront the true source of her pain, or she’ll never be released from the bondage she’s encased herself in.
Isabelle needs to give herself permission to heal and break the rules that have been imprisoning her. It is the only way for her to find ultimate freedom from the past and piece her heart back together again.